alltheavenueslookugly

it is the evening and i cannot make out the clouds in the sky. i have separated my medications for each day and the a.m. and p.m. and my bones are beginning to show through my skin. it’s become difficult to care about eating, but i am keeping showered. no drinking alcohol but gelato treats are in the freezer.

this life just becomes too complicated for me to understand sometimes.

i’m okay. no, i’m not. or maybe i am or can be if i just crawl out of my fucking head for five minutes and breathe fresh air and believe everybody who is saying that everything is going to be fine.

1. avoid sad songs.

2. avoid sad movies.

3. avoid photographs and memories

4. change clothes and wash hair.

5. isolation in moderation until i feel like smiling again.

6. talk shit about my own sentences.

7. keep writing even if it’s time to cry.

8. miss people as it is allowed.

i hate this. i want to sleep through this entire next week and i would even be willing to find myself in the middle of one of my nightmares because i can’t imagine any of them to be worse than this. this bullshit leak inside of me.

this must be the dark spot that they told me i was slipping into. ugh.

~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2014/04/06.

Posted in april14
Tags: bipolar disorder, crying, depression, dreams, hating self, insomnia, mental illness, nightmares, posts about suicide, self hating