me and 3 old suicide notes

these are three short notes i wrote during one suicide attempt. they are not graphic and not especially morbid, so there is no ‘beware!’ tag on them. they are kind of sad for me to read though – if only because i can’t even begin to remember what was going on in my mind when they were written. i just know i wrote them all on the same night and that it was at some point after i took the pills and before i was taken to the emergency room.

i remember coming back home alone to my apartment after a stint in either Bellaire or West Oaks hospital – not sure now which of those two times these came from – and finding them still on the floor of my bedroom, along with stray pills, blood, and dried vomit on my carpet.

i recall feeling so incredibly alone. sad. and at the time – and many times since then – very unlucky to have lived.

i found them yesterday in a box of old journals.

click to make them bigger. sorry if they are kind of messy and hard to read.

 

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~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2012/09/11.

4 Responses to “me and 3 old suicide notes”

  1. I hope you’re glad you’re here and with hindsight have learned more about yourself and this life. I know what it’s like to be there bud.

    • hey, thanks man. you know, i spent many years being pissed that i survived more than two separate attempts. i didn’t see it as lucky, but just the opposite. now, i feel a bit different about it, but there are certainly days when i do sit in that mindset. i suppose those might never leave.
      i appreciate the good words, dude. take care.

  2. I am glad you are still here. I know it is difficult and some days seem hopeless but your valued and important to many. Thank you for sharing these and allowing others to see through your eyes. x

    • thank you and you are welcome. i appreciate it, truly. i’m glad to share them. it helps me a little, and hopefully will help you and others. that’s all i can really ask for. đŸ™‚

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