me and january 12. 2015 – ECT test prep day

today i had to fill out 12 pages of paper work, give blood, pee, have an EKG, two spine x-rays, a neck x-ray, and a chest x-ray.

after all that fun i immediately went over to my psychiatrist appointment. i think he is almost as excited about the ECT as i am.

i told him that it sounds silly but it’s almost like because my brain knows i am about to have these treatments done it has gotten really pissed off and decided to punish me – how this last week has been such a horrible hell. there have been days that i have been scared i might not be able to make it. how all i’ve wanted to do it sleep – not see anybody, not talk to anybody, etc. i’ve had hand tremors and mind shakes.

i asked him to raise my diazepam.

he said sometimes when a patient is about to go through something major that they regress.

he said that this is normal and wants to make sure i am going to be safe.

i told him i will be safe.

he told me he really thinks this is going to be good for me. not just the ECT, but also with this other psychiatrist working with us.

he almost made me start crying.

so now we will taper off of the oxcarbazepine, and off of the topiramate.

once monday comes the only medications i will be on will be bupropion, doxepin, quetiapine, and diazepam.

one more week…

~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2015/01/12.

Posted in january15
Tags: anxiety, bipolar disorder, crying, depression, electroshock therapy, happiness, isolation, medications, mental illness, posts about suicide, psychiatrist, self harm, sleep

10 Responses to “me and january 12. 2015 – ECT test prep day”

My dearest Sean, I am honestly excited for you about these treatments. I hope with all my heart that this new adventure will bring you some relief. ❤

MizzMitten said this on 2015/01/12 at 9:33 pm | Reply
- thank you so much, dear. ❤
  
  alltheavenueslookugly said this on 2015/01/12 at 9:38 pm | Reply
UGH… I have been a bad friend!! I didn’t even know you were gearing up to do this! I am sooooo excited for you and I cannot wait to hear about the experience, and the good outcome as well. I have always wanted to give ECT a whirl and maybe following your journey will give me the courage to try it as well. I am with you in thought my friend… text me!!!

bipolarmuse said this on 2015/01/13 at 8:52 am | Reply
- awww, no you have not! it is good to hear from you though!
  i will definitely be writing about as much detail as i can – and hopefully if it works for me you might give it a try.
  i’ll text you! i don’t know if you have the same number, but if not i’ll FB you. 🙂
  
  alltheavenueslookugly said this on 2015/01/13 at 11:09 am | Reply
  - Word!! I don’t know if my number has changed since talking to you last, but I will FB you so you have it. 🙂
    
    bipolarmuse♥ said this on 2015/02/01 at 12:04 pm | Reply
Hi Sean, I sincerely hope that the ECT-treatments are gonna be succesful.
You deserve a break from all the emotional turmoil.

stellae76 said this on 2015/01/14 at 6:29 pm | Reply
- thank you! i really hope they are too. 🙂
  
  alltheavenueslookugly said this on 2015/01/16 at 5:06 pm | Reply
best of luck Sean. thinking of you ❤

Shayna said this on 2015/01/15 at 5:36 pm | Reply
- thank you, shayna. ❤
  
  alltheavenueslookugly said this on 2015/01/16 at 5:10 pm | Reply
dusted the cobwebs, scrubbed the corners and chased the dust bunnies away. let me finish.
no more nightmares. fingers through hair for hours.
it’s all ready for you. it’s you – it’s always you. see: the strongest, most brave, compassionate little creature (breathing, sleeping, dreaming, kicking, screaming, stumbling, burning, bleeding) and see: everything you are doing is right.
you have 75 minutes left to sleep.

j.j.j. said this on 2015/01/21 at 4:33 am | Reply

alltheavenueslookugly