alltheavenueslookugly

afternoon dreams/short medication nightmares

(scene one)

bare room

and then sounds like trumpets and tambourines and i am walking down that old dirt road in carson city – then up in the cemetery gathering ambien and sympathies and thinking of richard and how we had both been children up there exploring those graves. years later – i went the suicide road and he went the heroin road and i lived and he lived – and then he died flying out of his pickup truck –

(scene two)

i am in my bedroom in my bed – back twisted screaming in pain and my light bulb is covered in mosquitoes.

(scene three)

i am in the restroom in my high school and i have smashed my face into the mirror. i have safety pins fastened into the skin of my hands near my knuckles and i am worried that somebody is going to catch me. the bell is ringing and when i hear people i hide in the stall. it is covered in graffiti and smells like shit – people walk by and bang on the door and i am crouched on the toilet hoping that nobody can see me.

somebody knocks softly and says my name.

i tell them i’m so sorry.

(scene four)

missing.

and then wake up.

~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2014/12/06.

Posted in december14
Tags: anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, dreams, guilt, hating self, isolation, medications, mental illness, nightmares, posts about suicide, self harm, sleep