me and april 10. 2014
dear, ___________
i feel like i have been to this spot before where as i am asphyxiating we are clearing out the house of all these words that i cannot read and are not real. i am poking tiny holes in these moments of silence and when this is all over they will find me on the living room couch, my lips chapped and falling apart – and i am clutching a clear shopping bag full of special needs and requests to sign off on panic attacks on the heart and the lungs.
this is where i am supposed to be – where i have decided to float now and tomorrow and i am watching everything explode below me.
there are diagrams.
there are disasters that need better names.
now i’m scared that one day i will wake up and not remember my own name.
events from earlier today and yesterday will not exist anymore because i am unable to remember them. names and faces are black x’s swept into the gutters.
i am sober. this must be clear mind and shiny new habits.
❤
sean
alltheavenueslookugly 
Just saying hello. Thank you for blogging and sharing your stories.
thank you so much for reading! 🙂
your ❤ made me smile. hope you're week has been better than anticipated 🙂
and I made an embarrassing typo. your. I know better 🙂
but you caught it, so you’ve redeemed yourself. 🙂
Sober = awesome…maybe some day I will be able to say that and stop all this self medicating as the numbness is always so temporary…. ❤ right back at ya 🙂
i’m having to take it day by day. it is hard, especially when the pain gets really really bad. but i’m hanging in there, best i can. 🙂