me and april 10. 2014

dear, ___________

i feel like i have been to this spot before where as i am asphyxiating we are clearing out the house of all these words that i cannot read and are not real. i am poking tiny holes in these moments of silence and when this is all over they will find me on the living room couch, my lips chapped and falling apart – and i am clutching a clear shopping bag full of special needs and requests to sign off on panic attacks on the heart and the lungs.

this is where i am supposed to be – where i have decided to float now and tomorrow and i am watching everything explode below me.

there are diagrams.

there are disasters that need better names.

now i’m scared that one day i will wake up and not remember my own name.

events from earlier today and yesterday will not exist anymore because i am unable to remember them. names and faces are black x’s swept into the gutters.

i am sober. this must be clear mind and shiny new habits.






~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2014/04/10.

7 Responses to “me and april 10. 2014”

  1. Just saying hello. Thank you for blogging and sharing your stories.

  2. your ❤ made me smile. hope you're week has been better than anticipated 🙂

  3. Sober = awesome…maybe some day I will be able to say that and stop all this self medicating as the numbness is always so temporary…. ❤ right back at ya 🙂

  4. i’m having to take it day by day. it is hard, especially when the pain gets really really bad. but i’m hanging in there, best i can. 🙂

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