alltheavenueslookugly

i can barely stand to think about this last month. i started it in the midst of an unbearable medication reaction that took bites out of my brain –  and i was forced to feel my sanity dripping down out of my ears and turning  into spiders, ants, and tiny faces that seemed either worried or pissed off. i’m ending it still recovering and trying to get back to ‘normal’ life for sean.

in the last week i have noticed that some of the residual effects are still there, but they seem to be getting better. my short-term memory is coming back  as one ugly haunted flash of life and then another. my vision is still kind of messed up – it’s hard to read small things up close without all the tiny letters overlapping onto each other. it’s like i have a small layer of filth on my eyeballs. i have been waking up almost every hour – i’m imagining detailed nightmares again. i should start writing some of them down.

i guess i am lucky. i know it could have been much worse – and it has been worse in the past – and i am still here and alive.

i have a few people that once again stepped up and went out of their way to help me. i love them for that.

i plan to speak to my doctor tomorrow and find out if i need to come in or what he wants me to do about the latuda. he has suggesting cutting it in half, but i cannot take that risk again. fuck that. no more. i look at the package of samples that are still on my table, and i feel like throwing up.

isolation level is about a 7.5 out of 10.

i’ll try and start documenting the bad dreams.

everybody be safe.

~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2014/03/31.

Posted in march14
Tags: bipolar disorder, crying, depression, dreams, insomnia, isolation, medications, nightmares, self harm