me and march 03. 2014 – LUVOX

i am okay for now.

so much has happened in the past week, and there are large chunks of days that i cannot even remember. i’ve been able to piece some things together from those around me, but things will be changing now. again.

i know i had spoken about the SSRI – luvox – that i was on, and the weird zappy things it was doing to me, and to my head, and i guess it went in for the kill last tuesday night.

i vaguely remember calling a cab early wednesday morning, because i was in no condition to drive. i had taken a couple of atarax and klonopin to try and calm my anxiety and to stop the hallucinations and i felt like i wanted to die. i had not been drinking at all, which is probably the only reason i am still alive. the cab driver picked me up and 40 dollars and one blog update later i was at the clinic. i don’t remember the specifics, just that the front desk called paged my therapist and i told her not to fucking bother because he probably didn’t care. i remember being in a room with my therapist and my psychiatrist’s nurse and i was begging to see my doctor. i was crying and telling them i was sick of being like this. sick of the medications and being so scared. the nurse told me if i saw him i would be instantly hospitalized. i was trying to make them understand that i wasn’t suicidal and needed help to get off the medication and the nurse told me there was nothing they could do and that i should leave.

i remember my therapist driving me home, i took another klonopin, and fell asleep.

the next day i went up to the clinic and got my records from them and told them i wasn’t coming back.

 

i have an appointment with my old doctor – the one i saw for years – on the 17th of march. to hold me over until then, my general practitioner prescribed me a small dose of zoloft to help counter the side effects of the luvox. he also told me – and from what i have read – is that my psychiatrist was shitty in the way he tried to wean me off. i was taking 200 mg daily, and most accounts i’ve seen had patients reducing their dose by 25 mg every 2-3 weeks until they were off of it. my doctor took me from 200, to 100 the next week, to 50 the next week, and then done.

it seems to explain a lot.

i’ve spent the majority of last week being taken care of by a wonderful person. i would never have been able to do any of this without her. i’ve been trying to sleep, trying not to dream, and definitely not drinking.

seriously, all of you. be so careful on SSRI’s. no matter the drug, or the dose. always do your own research as well and ask your doctor every fucking question you can think of. if they can’t or don’t answer, stay away.

now i wait for the 17th, and we’ll see what is next.

thanks for all the messages of concern. those who have been reading for a long time know how much i appreciate it and how much i wish i could express it better than i do.

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~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2014/03/03.

3 Responses to “me and march 03. 2014 – LUVOX”

  1. I’m just extremely happy to hear that you are at least – okay. It seems there are few doctors who really know or care about what they are doing and it sounds like your GP is one of them. I wish you the best of luck in the coming weeks and I will heed your advice about the medications. I already read as much as I can and I think I end up knowing more than the actual doctor does. Go figure. Glad you’re back.

  2. Wow. that clinic. the nurse and doctor ought to be reported. Seriously why are they collecting money for a job they do so shittily with no empaythy and obviously no bloody idea what they are doing, it makes me sick. Kudos to you for having the strength to go back the next day and gather your records and peace out of there. But I am so glad to read this now as you seem to be doing better. And because of your strength you managed to find that wonderful person who was able to take such good care of you for a week. The doctor I am still seeing, because I’m just so tired of trying to find a decent one, sees me once every three months for less than ten minutes, most of which time is spent writing out prescriptions, maybe that is all the insurance companies will pay for. Anyways, there was a chance a year or so ago that I was going to try to get pregnant and he decided to cut me off everything cold turkey. No weaning, no klonopin to help… nothing. Needless to say I was a mess within days and it was clear I had to just go right back on them and it was a major factor in us deciding I was never going to have a baby again.

    I think you express yourself incredibly well to the point where you are a very talented writer. And your strength in standing up to bullshit is admirable. I can’t wait to hear what happens on the 17th, I hope and pray it will be something that works so much better. Hang in there Sean you are a trouper to be sure and an inspiration to me. BIG HUGS!!!! Patti

    • yeah, i’ve been told by quite a few people that i should look into suing them for it, but i don’t know. it’s probably not even worth it, but i do intend on writing a strongly worded letter to their board of directors.

      doctors need to be a lot more responsible when it comes to these medications. if they are willing to prescribe them, then they better damn well know the ins and outs of them.

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