me and october 23. 2013

it’s 11:30 in the evening and my apartment is completely dark  and wishing i didn’t love and wishing i could turn it all off and then i am also thinking about just how hard i able to feel – either good or bad – and i think my heart is just tired.

i haven’t been to my group in three weeks. i am still waiting for my new therapist to call me. i’m beginning to think i may be crumbling.

i’m just really lonely tonight and i kind of hate the dark. i have my six bedtime pills and i have the music. i have the sadness so i am never really alone if i just imagine it as some sort of ugly friend who doesn’t really care about me but is always loyal and will always be there in a shitty way that i never want it to be.

maybe i am just exhausted and paranoid and didn’t get enough vitamins and my body is punishing me in the only way it knows how.

maybe my brain is broken and nothing that i am imagining is really happening and i am really asleep and –

yeah. i wish.

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~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2013/10/23.

3 Responses to “me and october 23. 2013”

  1. Maybe you’re you, and right now your words are easing the pain of another far away. And maybe that isn’t enough but it’s something to help you through the night. Peace.

  2. Delayed response from me. I’ve been away a bit. Aka hospital.

    I wanted to wish you the best and hope to read of any positive news in your newer posts which I am going to read now. X

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