alltheavenueslookugly

i’m keeping busy in my dreams.

i’m still waiting to hear from the stranger who will become my new therapist and i hope  we are ready for each other.

i’m counting one two three empty bottles and watching a ladybug rest on my floor lamp.

i’m replaying the same song two hundred times like i always do.

sometimes i am thinking about her.

i’m balancing on a very thin string between smiles/cuddles and complete madness that is still allowed to include smiles/cuddles every half an hour or so.

i’m losing myself in fantasy small town clouds that are swelling.

i’m reading old notes and tracing fingers over old scars that are hiding beneath newer tattoos.

i’m laughing inside a little more often.

i’m somebody different in my cold cocoon – but this is okay.  i’m keeping hope and fun ideas up and taping them to the bedroom wall. i’m getting feedback from the other side and it is always welcome and i have made the decision that i will make it thru today and good job!

i’m still sad and thinking about the other avenues but they are all dirty and filled with shit and giant cracks in the gravel. all the signs are dark and smudged and point to places that don’t exist.

oh, october. every year.

~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2013/10/15.

Posted in october13
Tags: alcohol, bipolar disorder, depression, dreams, happiness, medications, mental illness, self harm, therapy