holy cow! i’m two years old!

i came here with the intention of writing about the previous week and the disappointments i felt and instability and some stability and my psychiatrist visit and raising my meds, blah blah blah.

and then wordpress notified me that it was my two year anniversary. so i felt like i should acknowledge it.

i really want to thank those of you who continue to hang in there with me. there have been a few of you who i know have been reading from the start and are always willing to offer support or laughs or imaginary internet hugs or just a smile that might completely change my mood for a few minutes. and when you deal with this nonsense you eventually learn that even having peace for a few minutes can be beautiful. i’ve had over 15,000 people visit me and read what i am writing, and i appreciate everybody. you guys know so much about me  – except for the embarrassing shit i have in my itunes library.

mental illness is very real. it’s not a call for attention. it’s not something that can be cured simply by ‘thinking positive thoughts’ or by ‘being a fucking man and stopping your crying.’ it’s crippling. it’s a very real – sometimes invisible – disability that will consume so many of us. some of us suffer way more than others, but it’s not about how much one suffers. if one suffers, then that is enough.

and sometimes you will never know. i’ve continued holding down a full time job – much to the amazement of my therapists and doctors. i don’t know how i do it. i just know that i can right now, and plan to for as long as i can. and just because i can doesn’t mean that we all can. and it doesn’t make me stronger than anybody else. it’s not about that. it’s much more about what the illness might allow you to do at times.

late september has become a cause for quiet celebration and fear. while it’s my blog’s two year anniversary, it’s also been right about a  year or so since i last tried to commit suicide and found myself in the neuropsychiatric center. hopefully i have helped a few of you understand why that can happen, and why myself and others are not necessarily selfish assholes for the decision that we make. this pain is real and unbearable at times. i admire anybody who is able to wake up every day and deal with it, however they choose to. and i can’t very well fault those who have just grown tired of a fight that they may never win.

i continue to receive amazing emails and comments from those of you who either suffer directly or have a loved one who suffers. thank you. even single word means something to me. i have made some amazing friendships with people because of this blog. and that means so much to me. while i may not comment on other blogs as much anymore, i am still here, and still reading, and still appreciating all of my fellow mental health bloggers for what they are doing. i know how hard it is to open yourself up and honestly share it with people – so thank you to all of you also.

i hope we can all keep going. i hope we can all eventually find a spot in life that isn’t a nightmare. i wish that for myself and all of you.

hugs. and thank you for helping me through my own disasters.



~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2013/09/26.

15 Responses to “holy cow! i’m two years old!”

  1. Happy anniversary, Sean. It’s been a pleasure following you and getting to know you over the months 🙂 Many happy returns! ❤ xxx

  2. Happy anniversary Sean!! 🙂

  3. Well this brought tears to my eyes. I think it’s mighty courageous of you to pour yourself out- openly always- in the way that you do. So many people, especially in the blogging world, declare how fine things are and how great they’re doing- and everybody smiles and puffs each other up (about how great he or she is with lots of exclamation points) and I HATE that. I know that when I come here, it’s not always going to be pretty. But it IS always going to be real. On more than once occasion, you’ve helped me out and I’m a better person for it. Yes, happy anniversary! And I think it’s incredible that you’ve been able to work- wow. (I never could, consistently.) I think you’re changing and growing stronger. You may not see it, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who does.

    Hope your weekend’s a good one. Thanks for sharing, as always. 0) xo

    • thank you so much for noticing what i am really trying to do with this blog. i wish i had some happier days to write about, and maybe they will come someday, but for now i can just be honest about the now. i’m glad to hear that it has helped you some. that’s all i ever want from this blog.
      you’ve done a lot to help me out as well, and i really do appreciate it. take care and have a great weekend. 🙂

  4. woo hoo. Love it when wordpress tells us these little things. I enjoy reading your blog and think you’re a great contributor, keep it up!

  5. Happy anniversary to a beautiful blog and a beautiful person. Because of you I have learned so much about the strength of the human spirit. You’ve become more to me than you could ever know and I cherish our relationship. Congratulations!! 🙂

  6. Sean Sean Sean… Well done you for your two years of blogging. Well done for your honesty, thank you for being there for me and others and thank you for continuing the dialogue of life as it is.

    I had to close my other blog because my sister found it – I sent invites out to my new blog (this one I am posting from) but am not sure if you received it or not or if you even know who I am!? LOL.

    The Quiet B – If you get that? I can’t type it here because I don’t want any connection to my new blog, but you are welcome to come along and read and I will of course continue reading your posts and keep updated.

    Take care my friend and congrats again xx

    • it’s so good to hear from you! i’m so sorry i must have missed your invite. i will look for it!

      i’ll be checking your blog out soon. i’m so glad that you are still around and hope you are doing okay.

      you’ve been my longest blog buddy, and i think it speaks volumes that we are still both here.

      hugs to you.

      • Absolutely Sean. It’s great to be back in touch with you too and you are also one of my longest blogging buddies.

        It does speak volumes that we’re still both here – And I am happy for that and it will continue 🙂

        Be speaking.

        Hugs back to you S.

  7. Many thanks to you Sean, I wonder at how lucky I was to find your blog as reading about your pain has somehow helped me to feel somewhat normal if that is possible, dealing with my own pain. I hope that we shall find some peace for more than just a moment. Bless you for sharing. Patti

    • hi patti. yes, i think that is the most wonderful thing about all of us doing these blogs. it really helps me to not only read about the pain of others, but to also talk directly to those people. it makes their words just a little more real. i’m equally happy to have met you. take care. 🙂

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