me and february 06

the lamictal rash.

i think it hit me last night.

i was sitting on the couch and suddenly i itched.

badly.

the last time i was on lamictal – years ago, i actually got the rash on my dick. i remember freaking out and trying to do a mental inventory of everyone i had slept with recently. there had been nobody. i called my doctor. i told her what was happening. she told me to stop my lamictal immediately and if the rash did not go away within a couple of days, to go to the emergency room. as soon as i stopped the medicine, it went away.

fuck.

last night i itched. this time it was on my lower stomach.

i scratched it.

and then it itched again. and then it burned.

i looked at it and it was bad. gross. like a nasty razor burn chicken pox poison ivy reaction.

i couldn’t stop scratching it.

then it went to my arms.

goddammit.

stupid little red bumps. yuck and ugly.

and after a couple of hours it stopped.

i still took my lamictal last night. i can’t be sure that this is because of the lamictal, but i’m fairly confident that it is.

and it returned again tonight.

same spots. same redness and bumpy skin.

same itchiness.

 

and it isn’t enough to get me to stop taking the medicine.

 

see, in the few weeks since i have been on the lamictal and wellbutrin combo, i have noticed little changes here and there. my mood has improved. i am still depressed. i am still horrible to myself and have such sad thoughts – but i can tell a difference. it isn’t as bad. or at least it hasn’t felt as awful lately.

i say all of this because i know the medical risks associated with these rashes. i know that they can potentially be deadly (but it’s a very small chance), and i don’t really care.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamictal#Side-effects

i find it to be bullshit that after years and years of different pills and combinations and thousands of dollars spent, that now that i’ve found a cocktail that has the potential to help me not feel so much like shit – that this has to be the side-effect. fuck that.

i hope this gives people an idea of just how bad it can be to live with this depression. i would actually prefer to live with this rash, or take my chances that it could be something worse, if it meant my mental health were better. if it has the chance to make me smile more, or for me to stop forcing people out of my life, or for me to be in a healthy relationship – then yes, it’s worth exploring. i know how ridiculous how sounds. you don’t have to tell me that.

it is so frustrating.

i’ll keep you all updated.

hope everyone is doing well.

 

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~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2013/02/06.

15 Responses to “me and february 06”

  1. i’m on lamictal 100 mg and have been for about a month now. i feel OK and no rash, yet. pray. pray pray i don’t get it. i don’t feel suicidal at least, so it must be doing something. i’m also on lexapro with it and gabapentin for anxiety 3 times a day. tons of crap, that’s all i take.

    • what dose of lamictal did you start at? i was at 25mg for two weeks and then moved up to 50mg last week. i think they plan on moving me up at the end of the month – as long as this rash doesn’t get too out of control. i’ve heard slowly increasing the dose is the best way to keep from getting it.
      glad to hear it seems to be working for you in some way.
      take care.

      • i started at 25 for 2 wks. then 50 for a wk. i was supposed to do 75 but she just bumped it to 100 instead, easier than breaking pills. i’m doing fine on 100. i go tomorrow for another med check, pretty sure she will bump it again. i think you can go up to 300?

  2. I don’t think that sounds ridiculous at all. I’ve been taking Lamictal since – oh, I don’t know, late 2011? I haven’t had the rash – or at least I don’t think I have, because I do have other allergies that fuck up my skin in various ways. But if I had had it, I’m almost certain I’d have done what you did, potential for Lyell’s or Steven’s-Johnson regardless.

    Obviously, just keep monitoring it and mention it to the shrink next time you see him – though don’t let him bullshit you and take it away if you’re truly confident you’re in no danger.

    I’m sorry that this has happened; it must be so frustrating. But on the other hand, it’s lovely to read that it’s made you feel better, even if only a little.

    Anyway, take care πŸ™‚

    Hugs

    Karen xxx

    • yes. obviously if it gets very extreme, or once again finds it’s way to areas that i very much don’t want it in, then yes, i will yield. but until then…
      thank you, karen. it feels good to actually mean a smile. πŸ™‚

  3. Damn. That is SO annoying. I’m sorry. I hope things will work out for you. I really do.

    Keep us updated.

  4. Just be careful – I got the rash from lamictal and it spread to my mucus membranes. It’s terribly unpleasant to itch on the inside of your nose. Keep an eye on it.

    • i am keeping a good eye on it. for now it appears to just be in a few selects areas, all spots where i can at least tolerate it. but thank you again for the heads up. πŸ™‚

  5. Got my fingers crossed for you! x

  6. It may “sound” ridiculous (to some), but keep in mind, there are a number of people who know just what you mean. I count you as a friend. Hope you have a great night. πŸ™‚ xo

    • thank you. that does mean a lot. there are times that some of my reasons sound strange to me as i’m typing them out. but really, you reach a point where you have to do what you have to do. even if it’s not the most attractive option.
      you have a great night too. πŸ™‚

      • Absolutely! It’s our self-therapy, and sometimes that takes on very strange forms, but look at us when we DON’T. Ha. Take care of yourself. πŸ˜‰

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