me and december 31 – my 100th post!

in honor of this being my 100th post – holy shit, really? – and also my last post of the year, i wanted to acknowledge 2012 for what it was.


before i do that, i want to say that i have been updating my blogroll and i really want to make sure i include everybody who i am not only following, but also those who take the time to comment on something i’ve written. seriously,  please let me know if i have missed your blog, because i really want to have it up there. and i urge you to check out the blogs listed on the right side of my page. there are some incredible people out there who are doing some incredible things.


overall, 2012 was a giant pile of shit of a year. i had romantic relationships end, close friendships suddenly end without explanation, weight was gained, medication withdrawals were endured, depression grew worse, suicide was attempted, i was hospitalized for the first time in almost ten years…blah blah blah.

with all that being said, there was also some amazing people that passed into my life and even if some of them are gone now, they still made me smile. these people taught me things, they made my heart warm, or they talked me through really awful evenings and calmed my head.

they know who they are, and i am grateful for them always.

i have so many things i want to work on in the next year, so many ideas and dreams and plans to help make my life just a little more tolerable. but honestly, i’ve learned to appreciate the fact that i am still here and that i lived and fought through another year. when the idea of suicide is a very real and very intrusive thought – and has been for most of my life, it’s hard not to stand back and know that no matter how hard it tried, i was able to fight it off for now.

this year was one of the worst years i have had in a long time.

i hope the next one is better. for all of us.

happy new year to all of you, and thank you again for all your comments and support over the last year.


~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2012/12/31.

15 Responses to “me and december 31 – my 100th post!”

  1. (((hugs)))

    I wish I could offer something more tangible, but pathetic platitudes it is: happy new year.

    But I mean that sincerely, Sean; I really hope things in 2013 will be a hell of a lot better for you. You deserve it.

    Thinking of you

    Karen xxx

  2. You are so good to be able to appreciate the fact you are still here, and to have those positive thoughts about next year, after having such a hard time this year.
    I hope you achieve all you wish for 2013, and look forward to reading all about it.
    Take care my friend, much love to you xox

    • staying positive about it all is one of the most difficult things to do right now. i can’t say that i am great at it, but i try. it’s really hard to justify going on when all hope for the future is lost. i am just trying to keep my head above water for right now.
      it’s been so great to ‘meet’ you. take care of yourself. 🙂

  3. Wishing you a new year filled with possibilities and joy. May each day bring you sunshine or rainbows and may you always fine reason to believe in magic. I hope 2013 brings only good your way Sean. 😉

  4. Happy new year.

    My blessing to you is that you should have a much better and happier 2013. Keep up the fight Sean.

    We’re with you x

    • i wish the same for you. sincerely. i know it’s super hard right now, and my thoughts are always with you. you are an amazing woman, and you are on my mind more than you know.
      please take care. ❤

  5. Hooray for your 100th post and stayin’ alive! 2013 has got to be better for you, Sean, and I sincerely wish that for you.

    (Also, can you please link to my blog on your blogroll – – instead of my writing website? Thanks, Stephanie)

  6. I’m sort of feeling the same way about last year and then this year, but there were a couple positives, no matter how much things suck there are always a couple. Congrats on your 100th post and here’s to surviving the next year.

    • yeah, as much as i struggled in 2011, 2012 was just fucking awful.
      but it is important that we do acknowledge those positives, even if they are few and far between. i hope you are doing okay. 🙂

  7. Congrats on your 100th post and wishing you a far more peaceful, abundant and joyful 2013 🙂

  8. thank you!
    and a happy new year to you as well! 🙂

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