me and november 06
please have a seat.
let me rustle some papers around.
how have you been feeling?
i see.
any racing thoughts? delusions? spending sprees?
been drinking?
hallucinations?
have you harmed yourself recently?
any suicidal thoughts? plans?
why are you crying?
oh.
been depressed?
how is the medication?
lithium? effexor? ambien?
okay.
have you been sleeping?
no?
eating?
do you like jazz?
what kind of television shows?
how often are you masturbating and are you concerned about the election on tuesday?
your blood test came back and tested positive for stimulants.
i need you to speak faster.
oh, you are taking adderall.
i do want you to get to a medical doctor soon.
because you might have an ulcer or cancer.
you need sleep.
you need a friend.
i used to work with patients with HIV in the early 90’s. they were all dying so fast.
i need you to ‘play safe.’
please take your medications, sean.
don’t drink alcohol.
stay away from drugs.
get out of your bedroom once in a while.
be safe.
have a good day.
i’ll see you next week.
call me if you need me.
if it’s an emergency, you know where to go.
you can leave the door open on your way out.
alltheavenueslookugly 
😦 but I am glad to see a post.
thank you. 🙂
Tough tough tough. Not doing too good hey? Ditto.
I feel for you my friend, I really do.
Nice to see a post from you regardless of hearing the struggles you are going through.
What’s the cancer comment about?
Wishing you well and thinking of you. X
hey QB,
it’s been kind of rough lately, but now this med combo seems to be balancing me out just a little. still a bit early to get excited, but maybe?
when i wrote this i was having some internal issues, some bleeding and such, and i had a dream that it was cancer.
i’ve been thinking of you as well. sending my hugs over your way. 🙂
Sometimes it just feels like the ‘same old, same old’.
You’re in my thoughts. ♡
yes, sometimes just updating seems useless because there is nothing new to say. i need to get better at it though, if only just to let people know i am still around.
thank you! 🙂
I am always gladdened when I see a post from you, it doesn’t matter if there is nothing ‘new’ to say, just say it. You don’t need to get better at anything – being you is just fine.
Take care my friend ♡
you are sweet. it means so much to me. seriously.
i’ll just keep being sean. it’s all i can do.
fucking functionary shit shrink!
but, as above, glad to see a post:)
it obviously was a bit more involved, but on my medication and being so tired, this is exactly how i felt like it went. very monotone and also seemed like it dragged one for seven hours.
i call my shrink “the drug man”
all he does is give me drugs
drugs to sleep
drugs to balance my brain chemistry so the rapid cycling doesnt come back
drugs for the anxiety attacks
drugs for my nightmares & hallucinations
he always makes sure to ask me if im seeing my therapist weekly
he always needs to look at any blood work from my other doctors
he tells me to sleep, to remember to eat, and to get out of the apartment more than once a week..
“remember no caffine or tequila those only fuel your rapid cycling”
he asks if i need refills on my meds and prints the DEA regulated ones on the “special paper”
hands them to me and then ushers me out the door with his normal
“i’ll see you in a month…call if you need anything and if its an emergency…”
i call it fast food psychiatry…done in 15 mins or less
yes! i know that feeling exactly.
i just recently acquired a talk therapist but for the past few years i had only my psychiatrist and i would speak to him for just a few moments and then collect my prescriptions. fifty dollars for fifteen minutes and the occasional sample of drugs.
‘fast food psychiatry’ – i love this. 🙂
So therapeutic … this reads like poetry, by the way. Your writing is always so good. Where are you now?
(As an aside, “how often are you masturbating and are you concerned about the election on tuesday?” is a great question, combining two activities that are essentially the same …)
thank you, jeff!
sometimes after i update i really have to take a break. i have to be in a certain mood to be able to even come on here and look at it, as well as the comments. it usually doesn’t take me this long,
haha, nice comparison. i am so glad the election is over. freed up a lot of time for me.
oh, and by the way, thank you so much for the nomination. it’s really awesome and i am flattered. 🙂
take care!
Soooo therapeutic … This does read like poetry, though. Your writing is always so good. Where are you now? Hope you’re OK.
Hey sweetie from a girlyfan keep up the awe inspiring writing