me and september 24 – 6:36 a.m.

sitting in the parking lot of my doctor’s office.
not really sure why.
i do know that there is nothing left. no more strength to fight. no more desire to keep hurting.

i felt it last night. i had promised him i would call – no matter what time – if i was having suicidal thoughts. it was 11:30 p.m. and he was asleep. i told him i  was sorry to wake him, but i needed help. he told me there are still a couple of options we haven’t tried. he asked me if i could hang on until he could call me back in a few hours. he wanted to call me when he was more awake.

that was seven hours ago.

and fucking useless.

and now i’m sitting here – scared sleepy and so goddamn sad and confused and moments away from vomiting.

i don’t know what i am doing here anymore. i just want to sleep. sleep. i don’t want to come back here. this hurts too much.

~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2012/09/24.

2 Responses to “me and september 24 – 6:36 a.m.”

  1. Go into the office if you can, or try to call your doctor again. He told you to call and I’m sure he would hate to know if you hadn’t. It sounds like he still has hope for you, try to hold on to this.
    You sound miserable, I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve to feel this bad.
    You are in my thoughts.

  2. Hang in there Sean. I agree that you should call him back or go in to the office. You also have my number if you ever need it, day or night.

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