alltheavenueslookugly

the quiet borderline, a truly wonderful blogger and person, has created an award for all of us mental bloggers. i was lucky enough to receive it from both her and the amazing day in the life of a busy gal. i thank both of you so much, and i am in awe of your strength and commitment to helping shatter the stigma behind our disorders.

here are the rules for accepting the strong person award:

1. make sure to add in the text (below) and image (left) to spread the love and add how little or how much you want!

you heard me right! you are not weak, you are strong. you are not a failure, you are a fighter! this goes out to all mentalists. and it’s a gift from the quiet borderline to you all – please spread the love. mental health is not something to be sneered at and it deserves much more respect. Stop the stigmatizing.

2. name your diagnoses – stand loud and proud! you can tell us a little about them also if you’d like. how you’re affected by these diagnoses and how you are fighting your way out of them. (see below)

3. add a photo of yourself, or some abstract picture that represents you, anything you like! (below)

4. send this on to as many, yes, as many, people that you like. it can be five, ten, fifty. (below)

my diagnosis: i have been diagnosed as having bipolar II disorder, borderline personality disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, and traces of disorganized schizophrenia.

these affect almost every aspect of my life, from my relationships with people (friends, significant others, family, coworkers, etc.)

currently, i have been fighting to bring myself back up to a ‘normal’ level. for the past month and a half it has been rough. the times when i do get manic have had me do and say things i normally would never say or do. i’ve slept very little – although after a doctor visit last week, i have been sleeping better. thanks to lunesta and saphris. my manic episodes are awful because i spend most of my time in depression, which is something i know how to live with. when i get manic, it’s so hard to control. i get embarrassed and it sucks.

however, i’ve begun to do a lot of thinking. after twenty years, it’s easy to just accept that this is how it is going to be, and rather than fight it, i can just stand there and let it kick my ass until i can’t handle it anymore.

but i need to start fighting back. i’m going to start attending some outpatient support groups for people with bipolar/depression. i also am going to work on getting a card that might help pay for my medications. right now, my doctor and i are limited in what we can try, as having no insurance forces me to pay for everything myself. some of these medications get way beyond pricey. hopefully i can qualify for it.

for the first time in as long as i can remember i am actually excited to see what might happen. i can’t go on living like this anymore, and if this disease does someday take me, i’m not going down without a good fight.

me and brian.

okay, i honestly have been out of the loop for so long that i have no idea who to send this to. most of the people i can think of have already received it, so i’m really not trying to be lame, but i promise by next time i will have a huge list of folks who deserve some love.

~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2012/08/31.

Posted in august