me and june 20

i imagine being younger than ten years old and falling asleep in a bowling alley –

i remember the dream. with the owl. and he is staring at me with the most frightening look in his eyes.


there is something inside of me that can remember moments of my childhood before it all started rotting me from the inside.

the girls.

the clothes.

my awful and eclectic musical tastes.

the desert. mexico.

sea world.

my second grade teacher.

crying during charlotte’s web.

crying during La Bamba.

swimming in the summer.

belts. switches. bare-assed. soap in my mouth for cursing.

marbles and comic books and baseball cards and hours and hundreds of quarters playing street fighter 2 in the small pizza place.

ren and stimpy.

ghost stories.



these memories have gone from movies to scratchy films to now just fading snapshots – photos that have gotten wet and are curling back onto themselves as the colors run together and make everybody look like melting clowns and i can barely make out the situation and i will miss them when they are gone, eventually discarded in some random pile –

memories can be amazingly tragic and wonderful at the same time.


~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2012/06/20.

8 Responses to “me and june 20”

  1. I cried whilst reading Charlotte’s Web too!!
    I was only writing about Charlotte recently,
    Remembering how I would dream I had my own enchanted web, with my very own Charlotte, and each morning I would awake to a new special word she had written just for me!
    I’m just a kid, really, aren’t I? Nice dream though.♡

    • when i was a child i thought i would never ever read anything that sad for the rest of my life.
      that sounds like a wonderful dream.

      • May you dream of Charlotte tonight, and she will have some brilliant, dazzling words prepared, just for you in the morning –
        ‘You’re Special!’

  2. I wonder why we remember painful memories as they actually are laying hidden in their closet waiting to reappear unexpectedly someday. You said it, amazingly tragic and wonderful.

  3. there are times when i love being able to recall happy instances from my childhood, before my mind began to sour and before the illness took over. other times though, it makes me sad that i cannot remember the feeling of happiness, only the expression.

  4. You’re SO right, and you are making new memories, which one day you’ll look back on too. 🙂 Awesome writing here I love it. It took me back in my own mind and heart and life!

  5. Ahhhh, memories. I have more bad memories about my childhood than good ones but even the good ones are beginning to fade. Seems like a lifetime ago.

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