me and march 01

the medicines seem to be doing well at knocking me out at night and allowing me to sleep all the way through. with that, however, come the dreams. sometimes they are horrible nightmares that i can’t even put into words, and sometimes they are just strange – david lynch-like but just bizarre.

but last night, it was strange and beautiful and sad.

i was in a mall. not one that i recognized, but pretty average as far as malls go. it had the shoe stores, the cellphone kiosks, the smelly food court, etc. i was with a group of people that i also didn’t know, but we stood in a group and none of us spoke. a lady walked up with children behind her, and told us all to choose. i had no idea what we were choosing them for, but i saw a tiny redhead girl who was maybe four or five years old. she saw me too, walked up, and grabbed my hand. everyone else paired up with their kid and began walking off in different directions. the girl started pulling at my hand and we walked off. we walked around the mall and she was so excited. she was pointing at everything and everyone and she had the biggest smile on her face. i don’t know how long we walked around, as the mall seemed endless, but suddenly i was carrying her. she was still so fascinated and happy and she put her arms around my neck as i took her around and she laughed and it was amazing. i remember having tears in my eyes and she was so innocent and in awe of such simple things and i guess i must have remembered what it was like to be that young and in love with everything around me. i started to cry and she hugged me and we eventually ended up back in the spot we began in. the others were there, waiting for us, and before i let her down she gave me a kiss on the cheek and then her and the other children walked off. i looked around at the other adults and they were all laughing and talking with each other, as i stood there by myself and tried to keep from crying.

when i woke up my heart was sad. it was the sadness you feel when someone you love comes to visit, and then you have to say goodbye.

when i do remember dreams, the details are usually gone within a few hours. i’ve thought of this dream all day. i can’t forget it.

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~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2012/03/01.

7 Responses to “me and march 01”

  1. i’m thinking she was actually a angel that came to you to llt you know that ….you are important…you being there makes people happy and she wanted you to see the joy you brought her, just by holding her hand, and carrying her around to view those little things in life that brought her joy…. and if maybe, just for a split second, she had you feeling a little bit of joy….. its in you…. just hidden away…. understand?

  2. Sounds like one of those dreams that would stay in someone’s mind for a long time. The same would happen to me too. Sometimes, dreams really affect me.

    I hope you are doing well Sean.

    Take care and have a great weekend,

    The Quiet Borderline
    http://quietbpd.wordpress.com/

  3. It was Whitney reminding you that “the children are our future”. 🙂

    In all seriousness, I don’t remember my dreams that much and when I do, they’re usually not much to speak of.

    Bad dreams and nightmares suck ass, so it’s awesome that you had one that was not only poignant, but makes you think as well.

    Also: Have all the babies. lol

  4. I think this dream is a positive dream. And a beautiful thing is what you need right now. 🙂

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