me and october 14.
i’m sober and dying slowly.
i need a doctor.
the nightmares are getting worse, real, and overlapping into real life way too often and it scares me like walking down a dark hallway, nude, with eyes on you from all sides and there might be classical music playing backwards on the other side of the walls–
an alcohol enema. i’m willing to be shocked and prodded like fucking cattle if they are stomping on the back of my neck.
i’m thinking of austin state and how the walls were cold in there.
i think it was haunted. i think i might be haunted.
every hour is beginning to look worse than the one before.
—and here i go, trying to smile.
i envy you guys who are okay.
and those that aren’t–you might have some idea.
it is when you are at your loneliest that you think of…oh, i don’t know.
i just want to feel a little bit of happy. for a moment. so i can bottle it, tie it around my neck and i can fuck it when i feel this way.
alltheavenueslookugly 