me and september 28 – i’m sorry (part 01)

i am home. i am safe.

fuck me, what a shitty and bizarre past week.

before i begin, i really want to say thank you to everyone for the posts, the messages, the emails, the text messages, etc. i read every one of them, and i feel so lucky to have so many people that care about me. i promise you, that is something i never have or will take for granted. i heart you all so much for your support.

that being said, there are parts of me that will always hate myself for what the people who care about me have to go through when this happens. there are two people especially that got the worst of it, and for that, i can’t apologize enough. there were two separate things going on with these two people (both of whom i love so very much) and i can only hope that they don’t feel any sort of responsibility for what happened. it was absolutely not their fault, and even with all that has been going on with me, they have been two of my most favorite people in the world, and will continue to be. if they are reading this, they know who they are, and i hope they aren’t angry with me. i try my best to think about how something i am doing might affect other people, and it scares me when my mind reaches a place where it’s almost impossible for me to do that. it’s a place where sometimes i can understand the emotions of others, but it’s just not enough to make it better. even now, i cannot begin to understand all the emotions they would be feeling if i had died the other night. my mind rarely goes that far into that shitty place, but it did on sunday night. i’m so very sorry for that.

i love both of you.

for. eh. ver.

~ by alltheavenueslookugly on 2012/09/28.

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