me and a psych evaluation (august 1995)

this is a psychological evaluation i was given when i was fourteen years old. it was done by the first psychologist i ever saw.

just a couple of things:

1. the medications. this was just the beginning. within a year or so, there were many more. it makes me sick to think about all the permanent damage – both mentally and physically – i have from the medicine i took when i was a kid. some thought i was under- medicated, while others thought i was over-medicated. i’m thankful now that there is a lot more focus on children and anti-depressants/psychotics.

2. the only things i really blacked out of this report were names, phone numbers, or personal things relating to others. none of it is especially relevant to my issues, and the couple of things that are will be addressed later.

3. it is both scary and sad to see just how little things in my head have changed in the past sixteen years.

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12 Responses to “me and a psych evaluation (august 1995)”

  1. Thank you for sharing such a personal document with us.

    What do you see as the next steps forward in you getting better?

    Take care,

    The Quiet Borderline
    http://quietbpd.wordpress.com/

    • i’m really not sure. i’ve just increased my medicine, and i figure i will give it a fair shot. next time i meet with my doctor in a few weeks, i’m going to demand something more. i have to. sometimes you just get stuck
      i can’t be stuck anymore. reading this, i realize the last sixteen years, nothing much has changed. if anything, it’s only gotten worse.

      • I wish you luck Sean.

        Not that it should be left down to having ‘good luck’, you deserve to feel better just because you do deserve it!

        Keep us updated.

        The Quiet Borderline
        http://quietbpd.woespress.com/

  2. Wow… it is a blessing that they are better with medicating children and adolescents. And I find it particularly interesting how those with mental disorders are often in gifted/talented programs.
    Thank you for sharing this very intimate piece of your young self.

  3. You’re really brave for sharing such personal information. I admire you a lot for saying fuck you to the stigma and being open and honest. /hug

  4. 1995, 14 – this must have been very difficult for you to read and recall :( Disheartening that SO many years later you are still picking your way through. Probably the case for many. Hugs.

    • it’s a kick in the nuts. that is exactly how it is. i remember at the time being told to just hang in there – that everything would get better with time.

      and they lied.

      • Guess lying is easier than “we have no fucking idea how to help you and the wonders of modern medicine is a myth”. Some of them care, some of them are clock-watchers. Hmmm, go back to school for psychiatric degree??? You’re still in TX? UT RULES! I don’t recall if they had a med school though, just that magical Blanton Museum of Art. That’s worth a trip right there, if you have the energy some day.

      • i’m not too far from austin – houston is only a couple of hours away – and i’ve actually been to that museum. it was incredible. good times. :)

  5. Strange to read this. Was this from the doc we shared or the hospital? I’m thinking from the doc given the suite number is vaguely familiar. I wish I had mine from that time, it would be interesting to read what was said. As far as the meds, remember the Lithium? Ugh I hated that stuff, made me shake.

    • holy cow, i totally forgot that we shared that doctor! yes, it is her.
      it’s odd, my mom found this by accident going through some boxes some months ago. she thought i might want to have it.

      yeah, i’m back on lithium right now, and i have definitely noticed a bit of those familiar shakes. ugh indeed. :(

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