me and some disclaimers
my name is sean.
i’m going to talk about my mental illness.
this is not going to be a self-help blog, but it will be honest. i am in no position to judge or to offer good advice.
i’m just going to keep writing until i’m done. until i feel like i’ve shared everything i can.
and then we’ll see. maybe it will make things better, maybe my life will be a little more tolerable. maybe it will all blow up in my face.
warning: almost every entry on here is going to contain triggers for such issues as self-harm, alcohol/drug addiction, suicidal behaviors, deep deep depression, eating disorders, etc. please read at your own risk.
there are so many people who suffer with this. if you are lucky, you find that right medication(s) that makes life manageable. you go on and have (at least) semi-normal relationships, a much sunnier disposition, and you play fetch with your golden retriever in the commercial while the sun sets behind you.
or you stand in line with me and millions of other people.
a few things first:
1. I have every intention of being as honest as i can be, while still respecting that there are people who are close to me that might read this. and it wouldn’t be fair to discuss them without their consent. some names, dates, events, etc. will be changed for that reason, but do know that ANY feeling i put out there is completely accurate. if i find another way to convey it, that will happen. but just know that the feelings, the guilt, the dreams, the hallucinations, and the delusions are all real. please don’t bother any of my friends or family with any of this. they have endured and continue to endure way more than they should. i will answer any questions you ask, so feel free to comment on here or email me. also, if there’s something specific you want to hear about, let me know. no turning back now.
2. i have written about some of this in the past, but always under the safety of a fictional character. this is not going to be easy to read, just as it is not going to be easy to talk about. but in the spirit of honesty, there may be things on here that cause alarm. if it does, please talk to me first. sometimes i just say shit in my head, and sometimes it sounds a lot worse if someone else were to hear it. after so long, and after so many years of knowing what was safe and not safe to talk about with others, i might say things as i vent. i wouldn’t make a serious threat on here as far as my health goes, so please don’t send any paramedics to my house without talking to me first. thanks.
3. i realize there is a certain amount of responsibility that i take by saying this stuff. i am in no way advocating ANY of the choices i have made when it comes to coping with this disease. i am in NO WAY advocating anything that will harm anybody. everyone deals with things in their own way, and this is/was mine. hopefully by reading this you might gain some insight that might help you understand/deal with your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, family member a little better. if so, wonderful. it would be nice to know that i didn’t go through all of this for nothing.
thanks for reading.